in my dreams

24th December 2011

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I’m towards the end of my 2 day cleanse. I feel really good and I want to do it more often. At least a one day every week. I think it will really improve my self control. I have lost 5 pounds in the last couple weeks so I am very determined to keep going and finally not stuck in a rut. Thanks to the people I follow on here I have some extra motivation:)

13th December 2011

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I’m either eating eating very healthy foods working out and loving myself more or I’m drinking a good amount and smoking a lot working out a lot less and hating myself. Why is It so hard to actually use my fucking key to happiness. I need a neat key tattoo somewhere visible to my eye at all times. That’s the solution, a tattoo rather than common sense and some willpower. Getting back on track before all the Christmas festivities. Thinking about trying out a vegan diet for the new year. Are any followers vegan or follow any vegan blogs?

27th November 2011

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No sweets December coming soon! I cut diet soda out too but I think if I drink with friends I will have a diet drink and vodka or wine instead of a higher cal beer. My toughest obstacle will be at work… We have a lot of food and treats so I will be drinking lots of water, tea, and chewing gum.

22nd November 2011

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emotional eating

i found out this guy who is a good friend of my friends just shot himself last night right down the street. i didn’t know him, I think we met a couple times. That shit just makes you think. Just the other night.. probably when I was cutting myself he was killing himself. I logged on Facebook for the first time in awhile and there was a request from him that I didn’t see. He was really cute and seemed like a great guy, I wish I had known him.

21st November 2011

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must fast tomorrow!!! i feel like a chunky walrus with makeup on. i have a 10 page paper due on wednesday and work tomorrow afternoon so I only have a few hours tonight, tomorrow morning and tomorrow night to finish it. i hate school. i swear i’d like it if i was skinny, lolololo. i’m such a mess lately, saturday i only worked out an hour, i got real drunk and made out with one of my good friends, smoked way too many cigaretttes, didn’t work out the next day.. ate a lot today.. no cardio.. maybe i’ll take a little late night walk and do weights and abs in my room.

not looking forward to thanksgiving! at least i might be showing up a little late because i have work. that at least cuts out whores de ovaries. so does anyone want to fast with me tomorrow? i haven’t fasted in a long time. except for this isagenix cleanse thing i did but you’re aloud to have almonds and these little isachocolate jawns.

i’ve been wishing I was skinnier for so long. I’ve slowly been toning up but it’s just not enough! fasting/restricting mindset… come back to me!!!

19th November 2011

Post reblogged from Searching for Happiness... with 618 notes

Who’s losing weight or trying to.

lets-get-thin-now:

Doesn’t matter if it’s the healthy way or not. Reblog this.

Source: recipesyndrome

16th November 2011

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If I stay up late at night then take a nap during the day after I wake up I usually have a small binge/ slip up. I just had two spoons of pb with honey. I was about to have a cup of granola as well but I stopped myself to come out here and have a cigarette. I don’t know why I do that! If I must stay up late I need to be very extra aware of that waking up period. Does this happen to anyone else?

15th November 2011

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I posted that before I was done by accident. What I was going to say was this cute guy I work with gave another one of his band’s cds today. He is a huge inspiration for me to get where I want to be. When I am I’ll start being aggressive and ask him out or something! Just another reward to look forward to!

15th November 2011

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I don’t have the link ready but go to YouTube and type in weight loss meditation, click the first one that comes up. I just listened to it and loved it:) I think I’ll try to listen to it a few times a week. Today i ate well but I could have done without the pb & sugar free jelly crackers I made for lunch. Also I probably had 100 cals of dinner mints at work. I had a good workout though- 2 hrs on the elliptical, 8 minute abs and lifted weights for about 20 minutes. I feel pretty good. I think it’s like my 3 rd week of exercising at least 2 hrs everyday and I definitely feel more muscular. I haven’t lost weight which is disappointing but I might be losing inches. I should start measuring. I am toning up for sure though. I have been avoiding guys I’m attracted to because I don’t feel good enough yet.